you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
