god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
