yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
