Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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