i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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