I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't deserve a penis
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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