i jhust puked up my retainher.
how can u be prego again
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
