I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
