Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
