Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
