Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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