Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Randomize
