Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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