The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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