Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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