hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
