Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
