did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize