I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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