two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
