You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
