Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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