i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
