So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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