I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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