I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
