I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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