So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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