why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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