So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
