"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize