Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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