Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
