Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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