drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
