I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
