I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
