i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
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It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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