Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
