I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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