At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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