Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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