you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
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Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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