some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it's not cheating when I paid for it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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