Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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