Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
