I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
