You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
