I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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