I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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