Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
