...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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