I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
