This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
