Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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