I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
