My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
