i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
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Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad