I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?