I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
