Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
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Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened