Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.