the day after is always just damage control
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.