thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
