My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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