Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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