i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
