I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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