What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
