Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
