arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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