I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
