My underwear smells like fireworks.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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