I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
