I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
