it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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