It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
