i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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