I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
