If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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