i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
