you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
