God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
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somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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