no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
