dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
