I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you didnt know i had herpes?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
