Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
